Today my bones are bricks, and I am a clumsy construction worker dropping every tool. But God has all of the floor plans. I am learning in hard moments, that He doesn’t care about my progress, He cares about my heart. On the most tedious building days, He is good and witty and kind, and He doesn’t see me for what I have left to go, or what I’ve discarded, He just sees me for my soul. To be known like that is to feel the true meaning of the word contentment. To be known like that, is to be fully free.
Still reminiscing on London & the time we got to feel so fancy going to high tea at @langham_london.. plus this guys photo bomb. I never thought I’d hit the jackpot like this with a sister who happens to be a built in friend. So giddy, so thankful!
The simple knowledge that I alone am deeply flawed and painfully human, yet I am wildly, intentionally, overwhelmingly loved and cherished by God - is enough to turn every person I see into walking, breathing glimpses of heaven. It is enough to know for certain that God calls each of us friend. That He looks at us with purpose and gladness, thrilled to have given us breath.
Sometimes it takes stepping back and really getting a good look at yourself - looking at the inside stuff, who you are when no ones looking, the things your heart yells at you when your guard is down. If I’m being really honest- for me lately, stepping back has looked like directing my attention to mending and growing and just... being. I have had to train myself in the art of not caring, of looking in the mirror less, of going three days without makeup (or a shower 💁🏼♀️). I’ve been learning to fall in love with who I am, not how I look. With the moments I’m most me, most honest and giddy - and in the past I thought those moments were when I was all put together, when I looked pretty or brave. But I am coming to know that I feel the most alive when my heart, my hair and my courage are a little messy - God does His proudest work there. And honestly, I’m just thrilled to be His canvas.
I’m learning things in a slow motion kind of way these days - but one recurring thing is this - I am happiest when I am me-est. When I’m just Kath. When I set everything down for long enough to look in the mirror and go, “oh thank goodness. There I am. A little mess, a little put together. Crooked smile, giddy eyes. I’m here.” And suddenly everything is reset. I put my hand over my chest and I remember that my body is still working overtime to keep this lil life going. And I can breathe.