It has been sooooooo cold & rainy here lately that all I want to do is stay in bed & hide away from it. In fact, I just may take the day to do so. Hope you get to be somewhere warm, safe & cozy today ✨
Huge reason to celebrate today. I’ve been waiting on some important lab results and was able to meet with my doctor about them on Monday. Turns out there are scientific explanations for my crippling exhaustion, migraines, joint pain, dizziness & continued chronic pain. I finally have a new direction to go in. There is hope that I can really and truly feel better. It isn’t just an impossible fantasy. Trust me, I’m not getting my hopes up, but even if this new plan helps me even slightly, it will make a huge difference in my quality of life. Let this be a lesson to never give up. Hopefully I’m finally on the road to recovery. Here’s hoping you too receive celebratory news ✨
Please stop waiting for the permission of others to be who you want to be. At the end of the day, you are the one who lives with the choices you’ve made. I get so angry at myself for all the time I’ve waisted hating myself because I couldn’t fit into the box others told me I needed to fit in. Life is just too damn short for these kind of mind games. Your worth isn’t wrapped up in how much you weigh, how much money is in your pocket, how many ‘followers’ you have, where you come from, how much stuff you’ve accumulated, how ‘perfect’ your life appears to be. I don’t want to compete. I don’t want to live a life where I’m constantly worried about chasing after someone else’s vision of success. When does the chase ever end? I just want to live, to love, to heal, to create. I want to feel fulfilled at every stage of my life. I want to make a life that I’m proud of & I want all of you to have that same freedom. I want to build each other up, not tear each other down. Why that is a lot to ask for, I will never understand. I’m going to keep fighting for it, no matter what. I hope you embrace who you are & get to live the life you dream of. It’s what I’m working on every single day, in big ways & small ✨
The last time I was able to leave the house was when this photograph was taken. Since then I’ve been stuck in bed with one of my migraines (basically it was a hormonal migraine that turned into a migraine from catching the flu that then morphed back into a hormonal migraine)& last night I had a mini melt down crying to Cory. I’m just really fed up. 10 days with constant nauseating head pain just isn’t ok. Growing up, you don’t imagine being too sick to live your life. Next week I have an appointment with my therapist and an appointment with my new specialist who has some test results to discuss with me. Lets hope the results lead us to some real answers. Tell me, how are you? Lets cheer each other on.
My fellow immune suppressed beings, you know how trying this time of year can be. Like, afraid to leave the house for fear of contracting every type of flu virus, kind of trying. Well, Cory brought something home from work and my already compromised immune system could not escape it. Usually I’m an insomniac but this virus exhausted me so much I took a nap in the middle of the day yesterday even after sleeping for over 10 hours the night before. My head is throbbing, my throat is scratchy, my dark circles have dark circles, I have horrible cabin fever and I’m just overall not a pleasant person to be around, haha. I’m just taking things one day at a time. I’ve been distracting myself with books, hot baths & by shooting still lives with the moody light from the gloomy weather we’ve been having. I’ve also discovered Gus’s love of fire... which is mildly unsettling. What do you do when you’re trapped inside & not feeling your best? I need ideas!