Thank you to my brother @richard_pollman for capturing this cool pic of Kelsi & I soaking in some rays on the open seas.
This trip has brought us so close together. She is warm hearted, smart, sincere & more than anything else we just click. I have to say I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time in both my career & personal life. A couple of old souls (well my souls a little further along) enjoying this ride of a lifetime before we level up.
Thank you everyone at @mauiyachtcharters for an unforgettable day. We saw whales, dolphins, turtles &
a shark! Calmest seas I’ve ever sailed.. we picked the perfect day.
Surrounded by great friends & my fav girl in the world.
We dined on grilled burgers for lunch - dinner was lobster & ribeye. Surf & turf!
My new vacation material is gonna be fun af.
Did you catch me on @robotchicken last night as Braveheart Mouse? No? Well go watch it online & check out the rest of the season as I’m a bunch of insane (yet grounded) characters! Tell me what ones I and you win buying yourself a slice of pizza!
Thx @sethgreen and the whole RC crew. Talented gang!
I fucking love the moment right before I take the stage. The moment before my name was announced at MSG, before the legendary Don Pardo called it out on SNL, before I took the stage at the Beacon, Wiltern, Fox or hundreds of other theaters, waiting in the wings before I dashed out to perform at Boston Garden, every magical house in Las Vegas, the @nyccomedycellar waiting on a cramped stairwell, the classic @thecomedystore where each time my hand pulls back the curtain it was the curtain Pryor, Kinison, Dice, Letterman all threw back, the @laughfactoryhw where I wrote Harmful, Retaliation & ISolated INcident, standing next to the bathrooms at @hollywoodimprov Where @paulmccartney Came and chatted, before I sat with Whoopi on The View and knowing one of the most talented performers of my lifetime was welcoming me.
Thousands of shows at colleges, thousands of shows at clubs & random spots some of which were not comedy spots but no one attending knew that.
I love the moment right before my name is spoken because it’s the time I am not the performer you know that comes to life onstage to go next level and give all I got as I always have — right before my names called I’m just a kid from Boston who gets to tell people some funny stuff.
I am so fortunate to have such a great sister. @_courtneycook_ & I have been through a ton of way ups and way downs but we have found a way to laugh through much of it.
My mom & dad gave us pretty much all their issues & phobias through the old DNA blend but they also gave us artistic minds & adventurous souls. More excitement to come! It’s weird.. even though some days will be rough.. I look forward to the jokes.
Chopper is a stud.
Had a dream about my mentor & friend Frank Roberts last night. I’m so fortunate to have had this influential man in my life. I learned more about myself than I could have realized with his belief in me. Funny I’m holding Story Theater (a play we did together) as I still feel like I’m performing it with the fun career I’ve had & the world I’ve had a chance to see & share.
Thx Frank for being my compass, I won’t ever forget it.
The next few months are work hard / play hard ones. I’m grateful to my friends and fans who continue to support my artistic endeavors. I can’t get to where I’m going without this foundation of support. My sister & right arm @_courtneycook_ - talented & helpful x10000.
My gf @itskelsitaylor who quite simply is a gift. #bestlaughs
More than anything you have to accept the universe is gonna challenge the shit outta you & sometimes it heaps several on you all at once. It can feel impossible - THAT is where it begins to turn. The events you must endure determine your character and the ability to cope & conclude regardless of who is pushing what button or slandering you or undermining you.
The impossible moment of hardship is the very beginning of the pendulum about to swing the other way.
Don’t deny you want something more right now & it starts to reveal throughout the days and weeks to come.
#tbt to when I worked at Chess King before the amnesia destroyed my past memories of being raised by an ostrich farmer outside of Tasmania, Australia. I found my old journals written on Mad Lbs which keyed me in on who I was and am. One excerpt said, “I find myself thinking about PENIS ROCKETS and seeing myself as the KINDLY PIRATE MECHANIC with a heart made of CLAM JUICE.” Powerful.
After being recruited by an undercover prostitution ring that doubles as an elite group of assassins calling themselves The Ladies of the Night’cha Got Fucked (Up) I studied with their madam / general Mrs. No who was more of a mother to me. Once when I was sick with a rare case of fire diarrhea she sat up all night with me holding an extinguisher right at the cusp of my anus.
I formed my new identity, @DaneCook soon after and vowed to use my abilities for good through the vessel of humor.
There is so much more to this story. Things like when I managed OutKast / Speakerboxxx through their breakout days, how I invented the TV show Shark Tank when it was still called “Your Idea Sucks (Wait Not You).”
How I also was gifted a card from Hot Topics and through fate saved a mans life from choking to death when he tried to swallow that Nirvana shirt with the yellow font in the front window that no one has ever bought and makes you wonder why corporate keeps it there.
Stay tuned team. I’ve got more to tell right after I do my cold yoga cryo class.