UPDATE AND TRIGGER WARNING: I got some news this morning. The NYPD is unable to identify the men who attacked me and will therefor cease to continue investigations into my case. What does this mean for me? It means that as my bruises and scratches heal, my mental state has suffered a set back. It means that I become like the majority of women who face the criticisms and backlash and barriers that come along with reporting but still won’t see any tangible justice or end result. If you follow my stories, you know what happened, But if you don’t, here it is:
Two weeks ago (tomorrow), I was in NYC on a work trip. My boss dropped me off at my hotel after dinner where I couldn’t eat much bc of food allergies. After an hour of looking for delivery, I realized there was a place less than a mile away that had food I could eat so I went to pick it up on foot in Times Square. It was nighttime (doesn’t matter). I was alone (doesn’t matter). I had had two drinks starting several hours earlier (doesn’t matter). I was wearing jeans and a jacket (doesn’t matter). Everything of value was in my backpack (doesn’t matter). I was diligently walking down the road, keeping an eye out for danger as women who are alone at night do. On my way back from getting my food, 3 men were following me and making crude, sexual comments to me. I turned around to tell them to leave me the F alone, as I ALWAYS do when I’m being catcalled, but this time I got attacked. The 3 of them rushed me, shoved me into a wall, tried to remove my backpack, jacket, etc continuing with the sexual dialogue that I still can’t say out loud. I fought back...HARD. Y’all only saw my face in stories but my whole body did (and still does) show signs of struggle. Between fighting and screaming, I was fortunately able to get away. But the damage they did to me, like many sexual assault victims far greater than what ppl can see. And now they get to get away too, except they get away w/no lasting impact other than the security they can do this again w/o consequences. #enoughisenough#headhighheartfoward#metoo
I’ve been MIA except for stories for almost three weeks. That’s the longest gap I’ve ever taken in my posting. It’s cost me sponsorships, engagement, and followers. But it’s provided me the space to process something truly atrocious that happened to me a couple of days after my last post while I was in NYC for work. Something I wasn’t able to do right after it happened because I had so much work to do. I shared in stories and was called brave for sharing but every time someone said that to me I felt a tinge in my heart because I still wasn’t brave enough to share here. Less than 1/10 of my followers keep up with my stories so I was testing the waters with my share. I knew the reactions I got there would be what would happen here but on a much smaller scale. It’s funny (not funny haha) how when you’re the victim in a situation people will do everything to try and explain away what happened or push the blame back to you. In the week that I discussed what happened to me conversations went from “I’m sorry that happened” to “Why were you....”. None of the “why i was” anything matter. The conversation went from “I’m sorry that happened” to “what were you....”. “What i was” doing or anything else I may have done doesn’t diminish my status as the victim of an atrocious, unprovoked act. So maybe I’m brave for sharing in stories right away. Maybe I’m a little cowardly for still skirting around what happened to me in my feed. Maybe I’m just not ready to full scale deal with the same backlash i got from my stories (it was mostly support ❤️) on a larger scale before I’d had the time to sit with what happened, bc the victim blaming from my stories started well before I’d processed anything; that didn’t happen for several days.
Plz be patient, I will share my story in my next post.
What’s the point of my ramblings right now? If you know someone who has been the victim of a violent crime, hug them a little tighter next time you see them. If they’re still struggling, let them know it’s not their fault and you’re there for them. No questions, no blame. Just be there. #headhighheartforward
I’m so excited to announce that I’ve partnered with @mundoadventures to bring you an AMAZING retreat experience in Summer 2019. This is my first retreat (EVER!!) because I wanted to wait until I found the perfect combination of adventure, yoga, and community awareness. I finally have! For $2,500 (including all meals, lodging, snacks, activities, and transportation w/in Peru) you can come with Mundo and I and have the retreat of a lifetime!
I share a belief with Mundo that Yoga is a practice which goes beyond the postures, so while we are doing physical asana, everything on retreat is designed to allow you to get present and feel wholeness with nature and the communities around you.
Our journey to Peru allows you to tap into that flow state where you are present and everything just clicks. At its essence, this adventure is all about experiencing deep connection, and the freeing feeling you get when you are awake and engaged in your life! Swipe left for details.
Want to learn more? Click the email me button in my bio, dm me, or check out any of the # of stories I’ll be posting soon. :)
Just taking in the view. We don’t get fall foliage like this in NorCal. Switzerland is really bringing the fall vibes and making my little heart so happy.
Huge thank you to @hrhdavos For organizing this hike yesterday. Switzerland has been a dream and I have so many wonderful pics (beyond the overwhelming # of stories I’ve posted 😂😂) to share when I get home. #thisishardrock#hrhdavos#sponsored#hardrockhotels
Unfu❤️ck yourself. Unlearn all the things that you’ve taken on that have dimmed your light; everything that was taught to you by your parents, friends, society, etc that doesn’t add to your growth. Large parts of our identities are shaped by the things we are taught and by societal norms. As we age, we get to decide if we will continue to follow those “learned truths” or challenge them and decide for ourselves how we want to shape our personalities and beliefs, how we want our lights to shine. If you stripped those away, who would you be? Who would you want to become? #thinkaboutit
Wearing my “Unf❤️ck Yourself” shirt from @humanunlimited which is easily my new fav article of clothing. You should check them out. They’ve got a lot of really poignant graphic tees, some you’ve seen in my stories and in my highlights. #humanunlimited#sponsored#headhighheartforward
I’ve lived (near) in wine country for over a year and haven’t made it out to explore in Napa more than a handful of times. So when @athleta sent me their Sculptek denim to try, I decided to take Cailey out there to explore both Napa and whether or not i could actually do yoga in these jeans. These jeans are made for movement and i put them to the test. Head to my blog to read the full review. I talk about what poses I could do, what I couldn’t, how they fit and feel, and show you some cool spots in Napa Cailey and I found.
Link in bio! #sponsored@athleta#powerofshe
When you randomly discover you can do something new that you’ve never tried before even though you’ve only been working the yoga “basics” lately. Don’t discount the foundations. Don’t discount the beginner poses.My home practice is not flashy or exciting, but it enables me to do those things because I’ve kept at it. #headhighheartforward Disclaimer: no shade to those who work the advanced poses at home meant by this. I do too, just not most of the time. I’m simply saying foundations are important and they take you farther than you’d think. ❤️❤️
It still doesn't feel like fall most days out here in NorCal. Hiking when it's still summer temps for a good part of the day and being dragged straight up hill by this fur ball definitely makes me work up a sweat. I'd like to say we're just stopping for water breaks and to check out the view, but who am I kidding? I sweat! It happens. Lucky for me, @slowtide has me covered, and helped me upgrade my old gym sweat rag to these cute towels. #slowtide
What's the weather like where you're at? Are you bundling up or still team no shirt + work out towel like me? #productgifted
Depressed, bi-polar, anxious, and obsessive compulsive. What do these things have in common?
These are actual mental illnesses that I have. They are also terms thrown at people as insults. They are also words used when someone can’t think of anything else to describe their mood.
The names of mental illnesses are not bullets you can shoot at someone to shame them. Believe me, whatever is going on in the mind of someone with a mental illness is way worse than the effect of someone trying to use the name of an illness as an insult against them. What that does is cause you to lose a friend like me. It also makes mental illnesses seem like they are a negative character flaw when in fact mental illness has nothing to do with your character. Congrats, all you did was just further contribute to the negative stereotypes and shaming ppl with mental illnesses deal with regularly.
Mental illnesses are not adjectives either. It’s not cute when you tell someone you’re OCD about being organized. It’s not accurate to say “I’m depressed because I’m having a bad hair day”. That’s not how that works. We don’t get to choose when our mental illnesses will work for or against us. Depression is a prolonged mood disorder. It comes and it visits for a while and it is serious and causes people to lose jobs and relationships and THEIR LIVES. OCD can be debilitating, and rarely have i found my OCD tendencies to be overall beneficial.
If you want to break the stigmas around mental illness you can’t just talk about it. You have to look at HOW you’re talking about it. You need to stop saying you’re depressed when you’re just sad or your mood is low. You shouldn’t say you’re having a panic attack when you’re exaggerating how stressed you are. You shouldn’t say someone is bipolar just because they’re moody. This is literally life or death for some people. Let’s break the stigmas and let’s also break our patterns that contribute to them. Just talking isn’t enough. #headhighheartforward#worldmentalhealthday
I do a lot of things that the “average” person considers weird. Like knowing I’m going to Switzerland in two-ish weeks and already starting to pack out of excitement, or you know, doing yoga while packing. Am I the only one who does this? I actually tried to pack while doing yoga in the suitcase, but I didn’t quite fit. I am loving how these suitcase organizers fit tho!
How do you pack?
Thank you @vasco_brand for getting me ready for two major trips in the next month. #productgifted