You were the biggest lesson in my life. Experiencing the highest highs and the lowest lows with every single emotion and feeling to go with it.
I have learned how much punishment the human mind, heart and body can take, I have felt guilty for things I never even considered someone should feel guilty for and I forgot who I was. I learned to hate myself for things that I should love. I lost my spark and my confidence.
I became paranoid of being me on social media for fear what people thought, what the press would write and how it would be manipulated against me by public relations and friends of these journalists. There are two sides to every coin. But only if you can afford that side.
But it’s not all bad and I’m not playing a tiny violin for myself. No. I’m grateful for the experiences I have had, the lessons I have learned and the people I’ve met because now I can say with my hand on my heart that I am stronger than I’ve ever been and I know myself better than I ever have. With the help of close friends and family I have been able to find the courage to say enough is enough.
I have dragged myself out of downward spiral of 2018 and I’m jumping in to 2019 with a smile on my face and scars on my body. But I’m one of the lucky ones who can and I’m very excited to start a new journey, see a new country and experience a new culture and way of life. I’m going to miss my friends and family but knowing they support this means everything to me.
I’m now lucky enough to be drawing a line in the sand on 2018 and embracing the next chapter in my life. I am about to take off on a one way flight to Australia without a plan but with excitement of the unknown.
In 2019 I will rid myself of guilt, insecurities of what people think of me and self doubt. I will know my true worth and I will surround myself with good people, smile more and more every day and find my happy place again.
It’s okay to not be okay. Sometimes all it takes is a change in attitude, a change of plan and seeing the good in yourself. It’s important to rid yourself of negativity and realise your own potential and look after what’s important in life. You.
Happy New Year Everyone!